Heaven is for Real

I know, I know, I have been so missing on the blog. It has been a busy, sometimes hectic, month. When we last "talked" I was headed south to LA to meet my sister-in-law and bring her north with me. And it indeed happened...what a great week. She came, we saw, we conquered. It's hard to imagine squeezing more into our time together. But as much as we did and saw, the most important time for me was our morning coffee time together, in jammies, talking and talking.

We thought and talked about my brother, her husband, who moved from earth to heaven four years ago yesterday, at a very young age of 58. Our family had time to say the long goodbye, and none of us would have wished him to stay with us one second longer than God planned for him. Yet we miss him every day.

His illness, later diagnosed as early-onset Alzheimers,began when he had an auto accident and sustained two severe blows to his head. Within six months, he began having short-term memory loss. At that time, now 14 years ago, there was no known medical link to head trauma and Alzheimers. I was blessed to represent our family at his memorial service, and one of my stories was that he was my first "baby" since I was nearly 9 when he was born. I practiced my mother love on him before I had any of my own to love.

It's not a coincidence, I believe, that last week I was given a copy of the book,"Heaven is for Real," written by Todd Burpo. It is a simple, short story of a little boy's trip to heaven and back, as told from his three-year-old perspective. It was a comforting, uplifting feeling to think of my brother now with so many family and friends, as well as his finally meeting his Savior and his God. My feeling of loss and tears disappear when I think of his joy and contentment, and new life.

His wife, my sister-in-law, has a new life as well. She remarried a year and a half ago, to a man we all love and respect. When I met him, one of his first questions of me was how I felt about having a new man in my sister-in-law's life. Up front, honest, strong--he's now a wonderful member of our family. I am happy for them both, that they found each other.

I am hoping others have read the book...if so, what are your thoughts? Did you find comfort, as I did, if you read it? But for today, for the record, I still miss my brother. And love him lots. This is in his memory, Jan

GO!

I will leave this morning for Southern California to have some Gramma time with Birthday Boy before he leaves to join the Fisher Boys in Idaho. He takes his last final for his summer school classes today and I think he'll be ready for some spoiling time. I'm really, really good at that. He will reciprocate by taking me to Nordstroms--how good a grandson can you want? His words: "I would love to do that, Gramma." Tonight we'll have dinner, and probably a back scratch will figure into the evening too.

THEN tomorrow morning my sister-in-law flies in. Are we excited? Oh yeah! Hunky Hubby says I am teetering on the edge of hyper-scheduling her time here. Okay, I agree. But (1) she's never been to the Central Coast and (2) it's my turn to treat and spoil her. One thing I know: we will have fun!

So off I go. It will be a while before I post again. You know, fun and all. I promise to share with you when I can but we plan to talk, shop, sight see, talk, shop, sleep when we have to. I hope summer fun is finding you too...Jan

Get Set...

I'm ready for fun. I've spent the last week and a half cleaning, sorting and reorganizing the house and garage. I'm done. I may not be finished, but I'm done. Let the fun begin!

This afternoon long-time friends (40+ years) drive south from Northern California and will be with us for three days. They are now officially and totally retired. Like we were, they are ready for change. They have looked at properties in Las Vegas, Tucson and now will be checking out Central California. I know it will be a hard but well thought out choice for them...

But while they are here, we will have fun. The Mid-State Fair is running, whoo hoo! We'll check out the midway (from the ground), exhibits, pet some cows and horses, and of course, eat. We will also sit around and talk...a lot. No matter how much we get to see them or how little, the decibel level is pretty high when we are together. I love their company, obviously, and we would love to have them living closer, but in the meantime, I am thankful for their visits and our good times.

THEN...next week I drive south to see the one grandson not in Idaho! BECAUSE...my beautiful and beloved sister-in-law (one of two) flies in from Nebraska to stay with us for a week. The top of our list is talk...do you see a trend here? She has been so gracious and giving when I visited with a grandson the past two summers and stayed with her, and now it's my turn. I can't wait. Our to-do list is long and time is short but I know whatever we do, it will be good. Now...let the fun begin!

How is your summer turning out? Travel? Family? Work? I keep close to my heart and in my prayers so many who are not having fun. Health issues, work problems, relationship changes...let me know how you are...Jan

Get Ready...

Again, many days have slipped by between my posts. I keep hearing about the lazy days of summer but where are they?? Not here, for sure.

Since the last post, the fisher boys have departed for Idaho. Okay, I guess they have the lazy summer days. Both sons and two grandsons are now in Idaho, having lots of time to do guy stuff. Fishing (big, beautiful trout), campfires, hiking, sleeping. That being said, they have no electricity (propane only), no running water and outhouses.

I think you see now why I'm here, not there. I look forward to hearing from them and experience their good times vicariously, and am quite content with that. Maybe one year hunky hubby and I will join them for a week but find a nearby lodge to stay in...maybe.

The "birthday boy" grandson is not with them yet. He enrolled in summer school, and is now taking his first college classes. O My. That's love/hate for sure! He loves the college experience and is proud to claim it. He kinda hates the speed and pressure of the 18 weeks compressed into 5. But so far, so good. The plan is that when he finishes his classes, he will fly up to Idaho and his brother will fly home.

I love and appreciate that they can all enjoy this rare opportunity and experience. That they have the time to do it, and that they all love it so much. Our eldest grandson (with autism)may love it the most, but then who's to say. Today, in Idaho, elder son and youngest grandson are hiking together, younger son and oldest grandson are sleeping in and then going fishing. It does sound pretty wonderful, doesn't it? You can count on fish for dinner anytime you want to go catch some.

And I'm here, happy, and (by the way) still withdrawing from Paxil. Grrrrr. I'll see the doctor next week and will I have a story for him. Meanwhile, enjoying summer...even if it's not lazy. Jan

The Last "Baby"

I've looked over my posts and see a glaring missing member. My "baby" grandson, who is sweet 17. He is the only one of my four granchildren who was born in Central California. Since his mother had such a difficult birth with her first baby, caution was the watchword of her second pregnancy. Would the pre eclampsia happen again? Could it happen again? What if...what if...so many questions and thoughts.

It was decided that pregnant mama and baby boy #1 would move from Michigan to California and live with us in Central California until baby #2 was born. Thus, they were with us for three months before baby #2 was born. Our son relocated to Southern California in the meantime and visited when he could. It was a totally crazy three months but it worked perfectly. Mama went into normal labor a few days before her due date and baby boy #2 smiled on his way out. No big cry, no drama, just looked up and seemed to be saying "Howdy folks!"

As wee as baby boy #1 was, baby boy #2 was lusty and strong and fat. And content. I believe so many personality traits are there at birth, but our eyes are so full of joy that we can't look deep enough. Now 17, he hasn't changed much--except he's sure not fat anymore! He's well over six feet and like all teenagers, can't eat enough to fill his tummy or fill out his body. His contentment is still obvious. He loves his Gramma and Grampa and claims his "babyhood" happily and proudly when he visits us.

I love to have my "baby" hug me, I barely come up to his shoulders now. He looks so grownup, really older than his age, but he (shh, our secret) claims his points of childhood when he's here with us. He wants THE SAME placemats, THE SAME plastic plates, bowls, glasses, THE SAME games we've always played. I'm so proud to see my "favorite" baby so grown up...but tears creep out when I think my baby is really going to disappear sometime. I so hope not.

Do you have your "favorites" to share? Tell me and our tears will mix together...Jan

Birthday Boy

You know how when you are a mother, each child becomes your "favorite" in special ways? Why should I be surprised that I have the exact same feelings for my grandchildren? They are extra special from the day of birth and (so far) continue to grow more special.

Today is middle grandson's 19th birthday. Eldest grandson was born in South America, so Gramma missed #1. I was blessed to be with my son and daughter-in-law when my granddaughter (now 21) was born. When middle grandson was born I flew to be there ASAP. He was born 3-4 weeks early, due to the pre-eclampsia of his mother. It was a very, very hard birth and he was not ready to meet us. He was the teeniest baby I had ever handled, at a little over 6 pounds. (That's not saying a lot though, since my two sons and my other grandbabies were 8+ pounds!) He snuggled his way straight into my heart and has stayed there ever since.

Some children are so loving and expressive, I've always said if they could find a way to crawl into your skin to stay close, they would. My granddaughter is that way. So is our birthday boy. Thankfully, they never outgrow your hugs and your kisses. At least not yet.

We won't be with him to celebrate this weekend but our hearts are sure there. He's our "favorite," after all. Jan

4th of July & Fireworks

It is indeed the day of flags, fireworks, fly-bys and freedom. I love the flags, we have one flying in the wind in the front of our house and I have another as a table centerpiece. I also love the fly-bys (after 50+ years of watching hunky hubby wave his wings), but fireworks is a viewing choice only. Is it me or does the male species have a gene that says "It is and always will be my duty to create noise (fireworks) and booms (fireworks again). I sure don't have it but it comes out (with pride and duty) every July 4.

I was raised in Nebraska where the fireworks duties were taken very seriously. My dad always had a cache to shoot and my mom always sat looking at her three kids wondering if this was the year someone would lose a finger, hand, toe or foot. I guess that's the opposite gene.

In California, it's trickier since fireworks are illegal. Except there is always one little community where they are legal to be sold but illegal to shoot. Right. We will buy them and just leave them in the garage waiting for the law to change. Right.

When our sons were young, we had lots of displays. None that we could shoot upward but anything that stayed under 50 feet was considered fair game and worth the risk that someone would call and report us. What great fun--once we even had a party at our neighbor's house--shot about an hour's worth--the next day all the guys had to return to the neighbor's house and scrape soot, ash and debris from their swimming pool. Was it worth it? Oh yes!

Today hunky hubby and I will drive to the coastline and pray for no fog. And hopefully we will watch a splendid display of fireworks that shoot way high in the air over the Pacific Ocean. Last year it was fun and beautiful.

There is also a little nostalgia for us. Hubby's mother lived to the age of 97 and her birthday was July 3.(photo is of her 96th birthday)

For many, many years, we flew to celebrate the birthday and the 4th with her in Idaho. We have wonderful memories but miss her too.

I hope your 4th is a happy one. Enjoy and remember "Freedom is not free" and many are keeping our USA free for us, even today. Jan

Shhhhh...

It's mid-week and it's still quiet. Yesterday our eldest grandson spent the afternoon and evening with us. He has autism and it's such a hoot to experience his world. We took him with us for the southern CA graduation and his world, that trip, included not wanting to put on clothes (For those new to my blog, eldest grandson is 23). After his evening shower, he simply wanted to towel off and go to bed! So Grampa got some clothes on him. And as soon as Grampa left the room, the clothes came off. Then youngest grandson tried. Clothes on, clothes off. At that point, we all said "Oh well" and went to bed.

The next morning, our eldest grandson is sitting in our son's office (oh how I wish I could post a photo of this), no clothes on, both feet up on the desk, watching YouTube Sesame Street on the computer. How can you not laugh? Of course, as soon as he's aware that we think it's funny, actually hilarious, he'll repeat, repeat, repeat. That's what a person with autism does!

After our visit south, we returned him to his apartment and hopefully the no-clothes issue hasn't been an issue. At least we haven't been informed, if so. So last night was just a good dinner, a stop at the dog park before driving back to the apartment. Again--I know. Dogs and barking are a trigger for his anger. BUT he loves the experience of the big dogs, playing with them and giving them lots of hugs. That's one of many reasons why autism remains a mystery, a puzzle, as you can see.

He remains a great joy to me. When he's happy, he's funny, sweet, joyful and wonderful to be with. I call him my huggy bear, he's a big guy and shares great hugs. Do you have someone in your life to create mystery? I continue to live, laugh and learn...Jan

Quiet....

Yes, thank you God, things are quiet. No one in the hospital, hunky hubby had a day of flying yesterday so he has smiles, and my stomach is beginning to accept food again. Speaking of food, don't we all wonder why some eat when life throws punches and others (like me) start gagging at the thought of having to swallow something not liquid? Anyway, that's another part of my story.

Some time ago, when we were trying to figure out our not-so-golden years, my doctor asked if I was doing okay. Oh what a question. So of course...I said no. I don't have the tendency toward depression, which I think I thoroughly am entitled to. But I do fixate, compulsively and anxiously. So my doctor wondered if I would like to try a medication for anxiety. Wow, I didn't even know they had those. I took that pill the same day. And it worked so miraculously I was totally shocked.

The second time I was totally shocked is when my insurance company said they would not pay for it. *!!**#**?? So I switched to a generic of Paxil. It worked but not as well. I've now been taking it for over 2 years and decided it was time to stop. Life had settled into a more tranquil mode. (Ha, and they say God has no sense of humor!) So in addition to the younger son's hospitalization, I'm now withdrawing from Paxil. To be honest, had I known it was so difficult to stop, I probably would have gotten out the checkbook and paid for the other pill, which was not generic and was more expensive but worked better. My doctor forgot that part of info...

It hasn't been terrible but it hasn't been good. This week I cut my dosage in half. A little flu-like symptoms have appeared. Queasiness, light headedness, a funny kind of headache. I keep thinking each day will be better, but not so. I guess the double whammy has certainly not worked in my favor.

Anyone else dealing with stuff? Meds, kids, life? Yes, I know I'm whining. So I'll close in saying I live and love and thank God for His serenity and sense of humor! Jan

Peaks and Valleys

I should have written last week during the peaks. Instead, I enjoyed myself and did a lot of smiling and laughing instead of writing. Our two youngest grandsons (now 17 & 19) took their first road trip without mom or pop. And they chose to drive to see gram and gramp! We had such fun. We are sooo good at spoiling them and have had a lot of years to perfect the practice. I spend most of my time either at the market or cooking now; they arrive with lists of their favorite gramma foods. Our eldest grandson, who lives in his "apartment" came to join us each evening for dinner and company. One evening we five sat in our dining room, polishing off steaks, buffalo burgers, cheesy potatoes and salad. I looked around the table and had a sense of the years flying by. We talked, we told stories, we laughed and after two hours we finally left our chairs and waddled to the family room. It was a very, very good week.

This week has been the valley. Younger son was taken to the hospital Monday night after over a year of relatively good health. He's now home and doing okay, but our sense of balance has certainly taken a hit. Add into that a good friend spending two weeks in the hospital, a cousin out of state and two friends dealing with cancer and chemo, and the valley gets deeper. I am resilient but it's sure hard.

I do recognize the good as well as the bad and I'm not minimizing the blessings. I'm just sad and tired. Any thoughts from my blogger friends? They would be appreciated...Jan

Milestones

I know it has been a long time since I've posted. Life has been very, very busy. But happy too. We had a wonderful, relaxing time with Hunky Hubby's sister & husband in Newport Beach. Wow, I saw a little bit of "Orange County Housewives" there--talk about bling. Not mine, understand, but it's kinda hard not to notice on others...

Our stop with younger son & grandsons was great. The donuts? Not so great. We need a a better recipe for sure! We tried using half of a packaged cake mix batter...don't recomment that. But failures are fun and really are better stories!

We were home for a few days and then drove to younger son's home again for Grandson #2's high school graduation. What a fun and happy event. Cap, gown, party, cake, presents--he was duly congratulated and saluted! We also attended his mother's graduation from Junior College. She has been working full time, raising their two sons, and been a part time student for many years. Now she has her AA degree and will transfer to a four-year university this fall. Milestones of life, for them and for us.

THEN we were home for 5 days and the high school graduate and his brother took their first road trip ALONE (no parents!) to our house. That was an achievement they had been waiting for so many years! They are here now, off golfing, while Hubby and I get a little rest time. The days are over-scheduled with every activity they can think of--movies, bowling, golf and more golf, Frisbee Golf...yes,they really like golf! We also will redo the donuts, and throw in some chocolate chip cookies, lasagne, BBQ...like I said, over-scheduled! But we are all smiling and happy for this day, which the Lord has made. Jan

Be Careful What You Wish For...

It seems like not long ago that I was thinking how long it had been since I'd been away from home. The last time had been Christmas! Then boom, my luggage hardly has time to unpack before it's packed again. And no, I'm not complaining, not in the least!

Tomorrow hunky hubby and I are going to a very la-de-da resort in Newport Beach, which is a very la-de-da town. It's actually been in the news since lifeguards there are making over $100,000 a year. I'm not kidding. We will be guests of hubby's sister and husband and we are all looking forward to a time of...nothing. At least nothing we don't choose to do. I'm planning on a lot of time to rest, relax and read. Oh yeah, and maybe talk a lot. And maybe eat a lot. We four aren't friends (as well as family) for 50+ years without a lot of love and laughter. Aren't we blessed?

Then to fill my cup to the brim, we will stop to see younger son & our two grandsons on our way home. Hugs fill our time there. And some Gramma time cooking, baking and yes, even shopping.

Many, many years ago (in the 70s) my mother had an electric donut maker. My brother's wife now has hers, memories prompted my niece to buy one on EBay, and you know who was hooked. $10 later I now have one packed and ready to go on our trip. Our grandsons will have as much fun as I will. Memories, now onto the next generation. Love it.

Am I excited? Oh yes. Am I thankful? Oh yes. I count my blessings every day. Hoping you find blessings to count as well, Jan

The Missing Link

I don't know if any of you have perceived the "missing" link of our family? I mentioned our granddaughter in one early post and have not updated since.

She had her 21st birthday last Saturday and it has now been eleven months since she disappeared from our lives. This is hard to write, hard to think about but someday we hope she can come back to us. A year ago we were celebrating her birthday in grand style. She thoughtfully prepared her list for us and we loved being able to share her plans and her excitement. If there is one thing that she loves, it is having attention lavished on her and we are all good at that.

To backtrack to her arrival at our home with her brother and father, at age 20 she had never been given the opportunity to mature as most young girls do. Her mother bathed her, washed her hair, selected all her clothing and basically treated her as if she were 5, not 20. I (very slowly) gave her the opportunity to choose how she wanted to live her life. I showed her how to turn on the shower, gave her a towel and left the room. She was so proud to do it by herself. The same with washing her hair. For the first month I took her to a salon so I could watch how they managed her wiry, curly, long, beautiful black hair. Then I did it in our home for a month or so and asked if she would like to learn to do it herself. And away she went! She experienced shopping and choosing her clothing and loved it. I was beginning to teach her to cook.

Then one day her mother arrived with a private detective and kidnapped her. I guess you can kidnap your own child? Our granddaughter was taken from school--not willing to go but nonetheless has now been hidden by her mother for nearly a year. She has had her cell phone taken away, probably thrown away. Any mail we have sent has not reached her. We have not been able to talk with her or see her.

We miss her every day and wonder how she is. I hope and pray she is well. I don't think she is happy but someday, some way, I hope that by her 22nd birthday, we will know. Sadly, Jan

Celebration of Life

Hunky hubby and I leave this afternoon for N.California. Again. Tomorrow will be the Memorial Service for our friend. I think it's a wonderful expression of our times that we have evolved from "Funerals" to "Memorial Services" and now to "Celebrations of Life." I feel so deprived if I miss someone's Celebration.

The services we now observe, at least those in our church, are true celebrations that honor the one who has died. The things I learn about each person enriches my memories. Of course, I always wish I could have known them BEFORE their passing, but the facts and details of each life are honored. And stories are told, so many wonderful stories! Some by family members, many by friends, the stories are rich with sentiment, laughter and memories.

Hunky hubby and I are happy to be among those to honor the life of our friend. I hope to come home with a warm heart, more memories and a lot of smiles and laughter.

How are you all feeling about the changes in our services? Chime in and let us know! Jan

Mothers Day

It is a day of remembrance for me--my mother has been gone for fifteen years. Each year her memory becomes more tender, sweeter. Like most mothers, we had our differences but the more mature I became, the wiser she became! It's a gift of age that I truly can appreciate. I miss her voice, her laugh, her hugs and most of all, her encouragement. There was never a time she was not my encourager.

I hope I bring some of those qualities to our two sons and grandsons. And their partners too. Yesterday my sons, grandsons all checked in and it was such fun to hear their news and stories. Our family has LOTS of good storytellers! I also received phone calls from two ex-es of our sons, and I am honored that they include me in their thoughts and wishes. Hunky hubby totally caught me by surprise Saturday morning with the delivery of a dozen long stemmed roses!

I am blessed, I am happy. I thank God for my mother and for giving me children so I could be a mother too. Jan

Hooray!

I'm home, I'm home, I'm home! O My Gosh, it is such a wonderful feeling. I guess Dorothy was right in the Wizard of Oz, There's no place like home, no place like home. Sorry, I can't help repeating myself.

It was a great week, it was a hard week, it was a challenging week, it was a bonding week. My friend whose husband died is working so hard to see her way through the maze of questions, decisions, myriads of paperwork and--not to be unrecognized--her grief. She is doing amazingly well, I am happy to say. I am proud of her. We had hours and hours of work to do together and got it all done. We also had hours in the evening to talk, share thoughts and memories, laugh and praise God for His presence. I love her dearly and can't express how thankful I was to be able to be with her at this time.

I also stopped by my 80-year-old cousin's house on my way south. She is special in every way. She remembers when I was born, was present when my elder son was born and is in every way my older sister. Our mothers were close, but I think she and I are closer, mostly due to the changes of privacy feelings of the two generations. I needed a family fix and she made sure I got one! I was indulged, watched over and even got to pick our TV programs. Now that's FAMILY!

Hunky hubby and I will be returning to Northern California next week for the services of our friend, but in the meantime--did I say how happy I was to be home?! Jan

On the Road

It may be a few days before I have a chance to update again; I am leaving for Northern California tomorrow morning to stay with my friend whose husband died last week. Due to family conflicts, his memorial service won't be until mid-May, and she's needing a friend. I am so blessed to be that friend.

A few years ago, I helped begin a ministry in our church that helps individuals during times of need and change (Stephen Ministry). It was a life-changing experience for me, learning the needs and the blessing of friendships during those times. It has equipped me to love, accept and stand with those who need or want a hand to hold. That's what I will be doing, just holding her hand and wiping her tears as she wipes mine.

In the meantime, hunky hubby and I had four great days with elder son and grandson over Easter weekend! We also celebrated grandson's birthday #23, elder son's birthday as well, so we had lots of fun with birthday cakes, trick candles, and a few presents too. It is important to cherish the days of smiles and laughs! Elder son is now back in TX, hard at work and grandson is back in his routine of his new "apartment" and vocational work.

We are not counting on days of peace and smiles, but we do really appreciate and thank God when we have them. I'll post again when I can--in the meantime I have a feeling I will come home so very blessed to know I have hunky hubby waiting for me with open arms. Jan

Easter Blessings

This is indeed a solemn week. Each evening I am reading the Gospel of John, correlating to the events that led to each day and Jesus being nailed to the cross, then lifted to suffer, and to die. This reality is never far from my mind, all year. Hubby and I have taken two trips to Israel and walked, quite literally, in His footsteps.

It is easy, all to easy, to imagine the depth of grief His followers, His family were feeling. We, two plus centuries later, have hope arriving Sunday, celebrating His Resurrection!

Come Sunday, we rejoice. We are thankful to have elder son and grandson joining us for Easter Sunday and dinner. May you and yours have a blessed and joyful Easter. Jan

Loss of Friends

Loss of friends is another aspect of Golden Years. This morning I received a phone call from my close and dear friend that her husband died yesterday. The timing seems strange, was my first reaction. To her, Easter will be remembered as his death. My second thought was, how wonderful. They both had a very strong faith and this now will be remembered as his resurrection as well as Jesus'. That brought a smile to my face, as tears trailed down my cheeks.

We have known each other the entire 23 years we've lived in Central California. They moved from here six years ago, wanting to be closer to their three children in the Bay Area. Their timing was perfect. Three years ago my friend's husband had a recurrence of cancer. He fought bravely and hard, and we have shared many long talks. I still feel she is down the road from me, that's how close we are and how much I love them both.

Now she will move on in her Golden Years alone. I wish she was indeed down the road so I could walk over and give her a hug and wipe our tears together. Hubby and I will be attending the services, wherever and whenever they happen. Her loss is my loss, my heart aches for her...Jan

The Old Is New Again

It is a joy to return to our "old" life. The life hubby and I had a couple of years ago, before the arrival of the extended family. It's like putting on that old pair of slippers, the well worn ones that have grooves inside that just fit your foot. Wonderful and easy.

The changes of the past couple of weeks seem to have fit everyone that way. Elder son is in Texas and finding teaching and university life comfortable...and exciting...and enervating in ways he has missed. Grandson is totally happy and yes, comfortable in his new "apartment."

It has not been without some withdrawal anxiety of our son. He and our grandson established a pattern of communicating with text and phone while they were together in Texas. After a couple of days in his new home (ok, apartment) our grandson broke off. No texts, no calls, no picking up when his dad called. That created a LOT of anxiety in spite of talking with the couple who operate the home our grandson moved into. There's no substituting for a pair of eyes seeing and believing, is there?

So Saturday afternoon I drove over, visited our grandson. When I walked in the door, he had a huge smile and hug and "Hi Gramma!" Then we went out for a quick dinner and also to a market to buy a few things he wanted. When we drove back to his new home, he unpacked his grocery items in the kitchen and went to his room. I visited with the couple running the home for a few minutes and walked into my grandson's room to say goodbye. He looked up and smiled, and said "Goodbye Gramma!" with hardly a skipped beat. He seemed so very content and I hoped my words would create the same feelings for our son.

It was with joy I sat in our church yesterday, reflecting on the day. It was my mother's birthday, she would have been 97. It was Palm Sunday, the day of joy and tears as Jesus rode into Jerusalem. It will be our grandson's 23rd birthday this week, his father's birthday next week. We seem to have moved into a new time of life, but really it's the old one again. I am filled with thankfulness and feel hubby and I have, for now, have some Golden Days, if not Golden Years. And I still hope for Golden Years! How about your time of life? What are your changes, challenges, hopes and struggles? I'd be honored if you can share them with me. Jan

Ouch...

Today's post is all about ME. Maybe it's about time, eh? I had an appointment with an oral surgeon yesterday to excise a big ole molar. It was a first in lots of ways--the first time I had an abscessed tooth and didn't know it (the hygienist found it during a routine cleaning--oh oh, not so routine). I had never had a tooth excised other than two lower wisdom teeth, many many years ago. It was not without trepidation that I walked through the door yesterday morning.

I chose to have anesthesia (yes, please put me out, no second thoughts there.) I walked into the OR at 10 am, woke up at 11 am with a hole where the tooth was but now filled with a mouth full of gauze. And believe it or not, that was the worst part of it all, the mouth filled with gauze. I slept...and slept...and slept. All afternoon and all night. I didn't know I could do that...Hunky hubby was fully attentive and brought me anything and everything I needed. Angel was an angel and stayed by my side all day and night.

And lawsy, as my Gramma would say, I woke up this morning feeling pretty great, things considered. No pain, no swelling and very, very hungry. I've just had my first cuppa coffee in two days, oh what a feeling! Now I'm off for some toast. Okay, that's enough about ME. My words to the wise: come to Central CA when you need an oral surgeon and go to mine, He's fabulous. :) Jan

Tears and Smiles

Yesterday was the big day. Our son departed for Texas and was oh-so-sad. I likened his feelings to what I remembered as empty nest time. Our son doesn't really have a nest anymore since he's been living with us, but perhaps that makes the split with his son even more poignant. He was surely a sad Dad to see his son drive away with us. It's that old good news/bad news situation: the good news is that timing is right for both, the bad news is that they have been buddies for so many years that simply put--they will miss one another so much. Life is about nothing if it isn't about change, right?

After the goodbyes, Hubby and I drove our grandson to his new "apartment." He seems absolutely thrilled to be on his own. Big smiles, hugs, kisses and a happy wave bye-bye. The couple who operate the home and supervise their guests, are just the personalities our grandson thrives with. Very happy, soft-spoken, gentle and loving. But they need to have assistance from each of their guests to have the home function in the way they choose, so everybody shares the work. Expectations are clear and assignments are expected to be completed without too much prompting. All in all, I have moved from cautious to very pleased!

I'm wondering if any of my readers have had similar separations in their family? We move ahead in faith and hope and prayers. We are seeing God's timing in our lives, the situation with our son and grandson, and it's comforting. Are there things the readers can share with me/us? I look forward to your stories too! Jan

Happy Monday?

Well, so far so good. Son and grandson arrived in California on schedule, have accomplished the move, and there seem to be smiles all around. Am I surprised? Yes, I think I am. If I think of the resiliency our grandson shows, it's downright amazing! He has gone from the only home he remembered living in to his Dad's apartment, then to our home and now to his "new" home/apartment. Flexibility and change are not common characteristics of persons with autism.

I met the new family yesterday, a couple in their 50's. The man is an associate pastor, his wife is the mom to all. They have a total (including our grandson) of five special needs adults who live with them. Three are older, probably also in their 50's. One is younger than our grandson. It seems to be a very harmonious, peaceful home, something necessary for our grandson. No babies crying, no dogs barking! I am cautiously optimistic and pray for the harmony to create a wonderful home for our grandson.

The second phase will begin tomorrow when our son returns to Texas. Hunky hubby and I will certainly do what we can to continue this new path. Many thanks for your thoughts and prayers! Jan

Changes...again

It has been good for hunky hubby and I to have "alone" time. We have cherished it and been aware it was a short passage and we did our best to appreciate and enjoy it. Friday we are expecting changes, if all goes as planned.

Our elder son and grandson are flying from TX to CA tomorrow and then will drive to our home Friday. The plan is that our grandson will move into his new residence home the same day. How will that work? We'll see. Our son and grandson have had a good two weeks together so it will certainly be an abrupt change for our grandson. It's always hard to understand just what he understands. He has such difficulty expressing himself. Our fingers are crossed and prayers are constant! We want the best for him and hope this move is a good change for all.

Our son will return to TX next Wednesday, so he will be around for several days to initiate and facilitate the move. In the meantime, I am smiling and looking forward to a little time with my guys again. As much as I love the quiet time hubby and I shared, I miss my other guys. I'm a mother too! Wishing sun and warm days for you in this beautiful springtime, Jan
P.S. One of my birthday gifts was a new camera, so photos will be coming soon!

Winter to...Summer?

Believe it or not, as I am writing, the temperature on our deck is 94. WHAT?! Two days ago I was wearing turtlenecks & sweats (as I have most every day since October) so I should note that this is the first day of 2011 that my neck is visible. It disappears every October, not to be seen again until May? June? Sometimes even July? The Central Coast of California has a very late summer. Except today! Of course tomorrow it is supposed to be 64, so it will be a short-lived peek at summer, not the real deal. But I like it, it's a sweet peek.

I've been absent a week (actually more) on my blog because I injured my back and sitting at my computer is one of the things that really hurts. My injury? Like most of us, a simple story, nothing dramatic. If I was a patient on House, they would pass me by in the blink of an eye. As I was walking to my car in the rain, my heel struck the yellow parking strips in a cement parking garage and wheeee, down I started. Did anyone ever tell you that fresh-painted strips become as slippery as ice in the rain? I wish someone had told me. I did not actually go down but reached out with my right hand/arm to catch myself on my car. It worked but really tweaked my back. After almost two weeks of ibuprophen and heating pad, it's better but still healing.

Updates of family: Older son and grandson are thriving in Texas. That needs some serious thought. What do you think? Verrry interesting, eh? Younger son is happy, healthy and asked me if I'd like to join him on a drive north sometime to see cousins, aunts and friends. Well, yeah, I'll be ready in half an hour, no thought needed!

Last update of US: Hunky hubby brought me another birthday surprise. With blushing cheeks: it's a two-piece Hooters velour (purple) work out suit. With lots of bright sequins and a giant peace symbol on both the top and bottom. I'm wondering what he had in mind?? And where will I wear it? Maybe up and down our stairs? I MIGHT even wear it walking Angel. Maybe. Just on our road. He asked to take a photo of me as I tried it on and I declined. Not that I don't trust him--well, OK, I don't trust him. I am thinking our sons/grandsons are not imagining their mom/gramma is or ever was a Hooter girl. And they are right!

On that note, I'll leave you laughing. Yes, sometimes these are indeed the so-called golden years! Jan

Birth Day!

It's that day for me and I want to take a few minutes to let you know that I am counting my blessings! Hunky hubby was gone over the weekend but drove home last night in the driving rain so he could spend today with me. And brought home a surprise gift. Elder son, now in Texas, left a surprise package for me in his closet. Younger son gave me the computer I am using for an all-inclusive 2011 gift. Grandchildren are buzzing in with texts, facebook notes, phone calls.

But the day is not about things. It's about family. I love that we love each other so much. The challenges (problems?) we have are itty bitty in the big picture. I started this blog so I could learn from you, and you could learn from me, how to be a wiser, more loving person. I trust that you will help me with that and I will help you. In the meantime, God has blessed me with one more day and hopefully one more year. Thankfully and happily, Jan

HOORAY!

We did it! Son and grandson left our driveway yesterday afternoon and we were ALL smiling. I know our son was excited to return to field work and geology teaching; grandson was excited to understand he was not left behind. Hunky hubby and I? Well, did you feel a big rush of wind yesterday? That was us, exhaling, again and again.

We are happy to know they departed happy. The only confused one around the house today is Angel, our dog. She is sleeping on our son's pillow, obviously wondering where her buddy went. There was also a little whimpering heard last night. As much as we were all looking forward to this, it will be a while before we adapt.

In the meantime, do you have those "situations" in your home? Are you trying to balance life on a very thin wire? I'd love to share those with you...for today, my Golden Years are happy! Jan

Keeping Peace

I think we (hubby, son, grandson and I) are all in the mode of "Let's get through the day and keep the peace." After two days of considerable tension created by our grandson's agitation, plus many phone/email communications from social services, it appears that the residential home for our grandson will work fine. Just not yet.

They requested April 1 as the date of his arrival. Our son will be in Texas, ready to teach his graduate field class next Monday, March 21. Our grandson appears to be very concerned about where Dad and his truck are whenever they are not in the driveway or if our grandson is not sitting shotgun. He must have overheard enough conversation about Texas, teaching, and planning that he's fearful of being left behind. Now you can begin to see why we are all stressed and focused on keeping peace!

The plan (as of today) is for both son and grandson to depart for Texas tomorrow. Our grandson is comfortable and enjoys travel, loves taking part in Dad's classes and field work, and will be Dad's buddy until there is a window when they can fly home, accomplish the grandson's move, then son will fly back to Texas to finish the class as our grandson returns to his day program. I know, I know, everything becomes a compromised choice but sometimes it's the best anyone can do.

Our son is stressed, trying to plan his life on the road again. Our grandson is stressed, clearly aware and determined to have Dad by his side. Hubby is stressed trying to help in whatever small ways he can. Yesterday he actually took grandson (in Dad's truck, of course) to get a haircut and sandwich--that was no small event, believe me. I am stressed trying to keep our grandson and the dog from agitating each other as well as all these males from having meltdowns.

Pray that we all make it in peace, everybody happy and waving goodbye when the truck departs with son and grandson tomorrow morning! Ah, these oh-so-sweet golden years!

Waiting...and Waiting...

Our son is used to the wheels of social services turning ever so slowly; hunky hubby and I are not. The "emergency" meeting scheduled to take place took four days to accomplish, proper communications took another three. But...the visit to our grandson's potential residential home is this afternoon! The visit will be made by our grandson, son and me. I'm interested, curious, hopeful, prayerful and a little nervous. We are all so hopeful this is where our grandson's future will be but in reality, I have no idea how carefully those plans are worked out. I will be sure to add an update either late today or tomorrow.

Other thoughts of the day: my problems seem like raindrops in a bucket when I read the news of Japan, earthquake, tsunami, nuclear reactors. My heart aches for their people, their country. We live @ 15 miles inland from the Pacific Ocean, so early Friday morning, our son (the geologist) drove to the coast. He wanted to see the potential tsunami event the West Coast would experience. He was there for three hours, taking photos and videos to share with his students. The tide surges were an interesting event but did not impact our area, thankfully.

Good news of the day: We had a surprise visitor this week, our younger son! He had celebrated his birthday with his two sons the night before so drove north to celebrate with us as well. It was so sweet to have him with us. Once a mama, always a mama!

Thanks to all who take the time to read along with my postings, love to know you enjoy my thoughts and experiences of the so-called golden years.

Good News, Bad News

It is time to catch you up on life on our hill. I will start with the bad news...our family is still seeking the right (is there a right or wrong?) pathway for our grandson with autism. He has taken his anti-anxiety med now for 2 1/2 weeks and it seems to have worked adversely for him. He has been more verbally expressive but also is more irritable, argumentative (one word at a time, usually "NO!"), and certainly not happy.

Time is now becoming critical since our son returns to his professorship on March 22. So...do the two of them leave? Not a good choice but doable. Does the grandson remain here with us? Again, not a good choice, considering his emotional state. There is a placement home available for him, so tomorrow there will be an emergency meeting of his class administrator, his social worker and our son. I hope and pray a good choice may surface. I am also quite concerned for our son, who is highly dedicated to his beloved family first and then his work, which he also loves. Me? I'm here to listen, back up and give hugs.

My Good/GREAT news: our younger son has remained strong and healthy for a year! Hooray! I know that may sound like a simple thought but it has been a huge gift for me. He's healthy, his sons are doing well and I love listening to their stories! Cars, golf, girlfriends, love my guys.

Hunky Hubby and I? We are anticipating some travel later this month, and I am itching to pack a bag. Hopefully the son/grandson will be settled by then and we can drive away with a happy heart.

I am beginning to receive some great responses, thanks to you readers! I look forward to lots more ideas, thoughts, sharing of life as I know it...so how is yours? Jan

More about me...

I am trying to keep blogs short and readable, I know everyone has choices where and how time is spent. But I think I need to add a little more of me to the family dynamic. First, I love God. And I love the life He has given me. We have no choice where and with whom we begin, but the big choice is knowing who we have become and being accountable. I was blessed with parents who took me to church from the cradle to the time I married. And I am blessed that my hunky hubby is a Godly man.

If I always remember the order of life, I have a very high list of blessings. Challenges are big and choices have forever after consequences, but if I look first to my Lord, I know He will walk with me. And there we go back to the reason for my blog.

I wish I had my mom, dad and aunts and uncles, especially grandparents, to talk over some of these choices and questions. But I don't. I have a beautiful sister, actually three, counting my sisters-in-law. Of we three, I am the eldest so I have run plumb out of "elders."

Once upon a time, I had a long and loving list of church family elders...now I find myself on that list. So, that's why I am hoping our blog dialogue will be an exchange of thoughts, experiences and and I am so looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks, Jan

Living with Autism

Our 22 year old grandson and his father have been living with us the past year. Our grandson has autism and my hunky hubby and I are learning to live with his special needs. He attends a local program for special adults four days a week where he is taught social skills and work ethics; the fifth day attends an outdoor program designed to introduce these special people to various activities: surfing, hiking, horses, etc. He adores his outdoor activities, a natural for him since his dad is a geologist and they have gone on field explorations together for years.

This past six weeks have been awful for us and even worse for our grandson. He has been alternately irritable, angry, withdrawn vs. his usual sunny and happy disposition. He has limited verbal skills so we are equally limited to interpret the cause of his distress. It becomes the 20 questions or 50 questions or more. Sometimes we find the answer but his intervals are usually short and eventually disappear on their own.

This one did not. He was like a truck without brakes heading downhill. Each day presented a greater challenge. He did NOT want to go to his school, he did NOT want to go to his adventure club, he did NOT want to leave his bed, anything we asked or tried to help with was answered with a loud "NO." One night he was so upset that he started acting out in anger, which we had never seen. I had such a broken heart--obviously he was as unhappy as we had ever seen.

After a long talk amongst the three of us (son, hubby and I) and reading current literature re autistic adults, especially books by Temple Grandin, we wondered if it was time for a medication to soothe his overanxious feelings. The doctor concurred and the med has now been taken for six days. Results? Just too soon to know.

The second action we took was to be sure our grandson was sleeping well at night. He is notorious for waiting till we are all sleeping and then he does what he chooses. Game Boy, IPod, IPad, phone games. We are moving beds this weekend so son and grandson will now be in the same room. And his dad is hiding all game devices each night.

So, this is what we found today in preparing for the move:

28 bottles of water were hidden in various drawers, doors, and cubby holes. Why? We will never know. It is his secret stash. What we do know is how hard we laughed as we pulled them out one by one and how much we dearly love our sweet, mysterious grandson!

If you know any family living with autism, share this story. We all need laughs, especially families who have special needs--don't we all? Love, Jan

Happenings on the Hill

It's been a while since I've had time to post so I thought I'd catch you up on Happenings on the Hill. Yes, we live on a very high hill. I learned many years ago that if you married a pilot (and I did), you would never live in a valley. All chosen homes have a beautiful view to simulate flying when you are on your sofa! That works for me too. Our hill is spectacularly beautiful and if I can figure how to post photos, I will.

It's the very beginning of spring in Central California. Our almond trees have bloomed

(see photo, I hope). The apricot tree will follow, then plum, and finally apple and pear. It sounds like an orchard but really we have just one of each. Sometimes we are blessed with fruit and sometimes we are blessed with pits and half eaten samples left on the ground. When you live in a rural area, you learn to share with the original residents--deer, fox, and the occasional black bear. It's a good thing I came from farm roots (see my book, Nebraska Lessons and Legacies on Amazon). We also have lots of wild turkeys and boar.

When weather is good and time allows, Angel and I walk the mile and a half path around the city lake. The photo

(I hope) is of swans who have lived there for several years. Angel thinks she should smell them like all other dogs--not! It's an adventure each time to see the other owners and dogs, and the migrations of the various birds. We have white pelicans each winter
(sorry, no photo), cormorants and assorted varieties of ducks. We come home invigorated and in touch with God's beauty.

Next post will be on home changes--life goes on, doesn't it? I hope I have a few eyes keeping in touch with my updates, and let me know what you are thinking too. Jan

Still More to Come

I will try to be more creative once I've posted this. It has just seemed to take a while to complete the who, what, where and why of my life. The Still More to Come of today is a peek at the youngest member of our family--my dog, Angel! I know, I know, WHAT was I thinking??

Well, time travel back two years ago. It was just hunky hubby and I. Yes, we have Cooney the Kitty but she's a mouser and shares (sheds) her fur like you can't imagine. Poof, it flies airborne as she walks. I'm not exaggerating.So here is my lap with no pet sharing it. It just didn't seem right. I have a pet lovers heart and couldn't walk into a pet store without wanting to walk out with a puppy in my pocket.

Unfortunately, hunky hubby didn't understand it. Our lives didn't really need another consideration (complication) in his eyes. After about six months of negotiation, which, incidentally, did NOT include tears or whining he said it was more important to him that I be happy than him. See why I am so in love with this guy? In July, 2009, six months before the arrival of our TX family, I found my puppy and brought her home. She is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, tri-color, and was four months old.

Angel has been wonderful, Angel has been a problem and Angel is cuter than any other dog/puppy I've ever seen. I guess pets are like your kids. Because they are yours, they are beloved in spite of their flaws. Did I say flaws? Okay, just a few. #1. Hubby, after a year and a half still doesn't really want her around. #2. My grandson with autism has two prickly points--babies crying and (you guessed it) dogs barking. Yes, she does bark. She is also completely devoted to me. She tolerates other hands petting her, other laps to sit in but her eyes are always on me. If I had the gift of foresight, would I have gotten her? Absolutely not. Should I find another home for her because of the problems? Absolutely not. So I throw it out to you again, what would you do? This ends the "More to come" since I have now run out of family. The next post will start fresh. I hope there are some eyes following me (besides Angel's) through my so-called golden years. Jan

More to Come...

This is my third entry to the blog and so far the only reader I've added is my sister! Come on, come on, check in and add to the growing numbers...Please?!

Now the "More to Come." You still haven't been introduced to our younger son and his two sons. They live nearby but thankfully not with us. His sons are 18 and 16, healthy, busy, active, sports-oriented guys. And hungry, oh my gosh. For Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinner I'd never seen food disappear so fast. It happened so fast that nobody talked. I think they continued breathing but all I could hear was mmmmm, swallow, mmmmm. Kudos to the cook (me, of course).

Anyway, younger son has been unable to work for a few years, his health is touch and go. This past year has been a very good one but that could change and we are on call. When he was ill, hubby and I were the alternating house mom & dad, caring for him + the two sons. We were and will continue to be available to fill in but what would you do? We thank God for the past year of health and pray that it can continue.

Hubby and I are in good health, so we are able physically to carry the load for a while when called upon. Emotionally, we are not so strong. It changes day to day--some are days of smiles and laughs and others are days of withdrawal and resentment.

I tend to fall in the "glass half full" category and have been happy to have the home busy and have the opportunity to know our son, grandson and granddaughter more intimately. It was hard when they were in TX and we were in CA and visits were all we had. I have been thankful to be with our younger son to help him and his boys too. It is harder than I could have guessed but how can you not love grandsons who argue if they love you more than you love them? (By the way, no one wins!)

But it has been so much harder for hubby. Maybe it's a guy/gal thing? The situations and the emotions have been a fight for him, though he has not made that public nor has he made that evident to our two sons. I try to stay the course as the peacemaker but of course all I can do is listen and empathize with all. To me, they are the dearest of my heart and if I struggle, it's because of energy.

So...anyone want to add comments to my story? I know we are blessed in so many ways and keep that in focus. But day to day, I wiggle waggle. Does everyone? I hope so! Let me know your thoughts...more to come, Jan

Anyone There?

As a new "blogger" I admit I wonder when/who/if anyone will find me. I hope the "So-Called Golden Years" blog is connected to Google search, that would make it so easy to connect. Sign in, folks, I'm waiting!

I need to begin adding more to add to the story of me. As you read on the initial post, my family includes my hunky hubby (he really is my hunk), two sons in their 40s, two ex-daughters-in-law, and four grandchildren. I keep close contact with one daughter-in-law, the other one is estranged. Our eldest son has been living with my hubby and I the last year + one granddaughter (20), one grandson (22). Our two grandchildren are both special needs--grandson has moderate functioning autism, granddaughter has low IQ.

The story of their moving in with us was dramatic, a prequel to this last year. Our son had filed for divorce in Texas, where they lived and he worked. Our son moved out of their home into an apartment since their son had anger issues with his mother (our son's wife) and began running away from home. It's a fear that grabs your heart like few others when an autistic, non -communicative young man is on the streets alone at night. It continued escalating until the obvious means to protect his son was to move from the source of his anger--his mother.

The mother has always been protective and controlling. But in truth, she used both her children as tools of control in what seemed to our son, a manipulative and unfair way. Her goal was to isolate the two adult children in their home--limited educational classes, no friends, no opportunity to develop a social life.

So...back to their moving in with us...both the daughter and son were participating in adult special needs classes in TX. Their mother began interfering with their classes, teachers, and finally our son said enough. It was December, school would soon be on Christmas vacation, and they planned to spend the vacation in California. They came to California and our son decided they would all stay here.With us. In our home. Good? Bad? I guess it was some of both but all of a sudden hubby and I went from our life of retirement to a home with 3 more adults. Back to school with schedules, busses, meetings, cooking, marketing and all that a family of 5 needs.

Now...readers...what would you have done? And why? This is just a peek into the confusing, calamitous lives of Jan and her family...more (believe it or not) to come.

The So-Called Golden Years

Hi to all,
Let's start by letting you know who I am and why I want to start my blog! I'm Jan, I live in the California Central Coast area and I keep thinking the "golden years" should be starting. Like real soon. And they haven't, so I thought I'd see if anyone else out there has some wisdom/expertise/thoughts about how to get there. Or do we ever get there?

Soon I will add some pics but for today, let's just start exchanging ideas. My hubby and I retired an awesome 23 (!!) years ago and pictured our genteel, socially-networked and community-based life and smiled. We could have it all. We thought. And we did for a while...and there's the catch, the "for a while." We were giving to everybody and everywhere...the church, the homeless, we volunteered lots and gave lots. And as challenging as those roles were, we loved it. I learned how to lead committees, start ministries, host friendship groups...my hubby even built our new church sanctuary!

But as time went by, we found needs closer to home. Like our sons, daughters-in-laws, grandchildren, extended families too. More and more our "free" time has been gobbled up by family needs and situations (otherwise known as problems). Has this happened to you? If it has, has it been a positive change or a challenging change? How do you know what family lines to draw? Can we help each other? Please!! Can we blog?! More to come...Jan